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When I was in secondary school, I didn’t feel discriminated against at all. I could do all I wanted as long as I had the capabilities to do it. I was made a prefect, was on the committee of several clubs, took part in competitions... Of course, there were sensible limits such as not being able to lead prayers or join the Muslim society. Mostly though, things were based on merit. The Malay teachers were great, and I felt that I was treated the same as the majority Malay students. Although I hanged out more with my non-Malay friends, I could joke and talk with the Malay classmates like normal. I remember being invited to a Malay friend’s house, Aida, for a class gathering. I was blissfully unaware of any racial tensions. The 1969 riots were just a paragraph in my history textbook which never seemed quite real.

After that honeymoon period, things changed. I didn’t get a government scholarship despite getting straight As in my SPM. It seemed that apart from the government, others were keen to give me education opportunities; I got a scholarship from TAR college and Victoria University instead. Now that I am almost graduating and contemplating returning home to work, I am told that if I’m not a Malay, I can never advance to the topmost positions in the government no matter how good I am. Chinese high court judges remain where they are their whole lives as they see others more junior to them rise up to higher ranks. Is it a surprise that I struggle to find reasons to go back home and work, apart from being able to have my family and friends close by?

It doesn’t make sense. I felt welcomed and accepted by Malay friends back in secondary school, and I know that there are many Malays that don’t discriminate against others. Why am I made to feel the opposite way by the few Malays in power? Really, what is there to gain from making other races hate yours? Not that there is such as a thing as “race” anyway. I especially resent the fact that since young, I have been indoctrinated into thinking that there are 3 major races in Malaysia, Malay Chinese and Indian. That we are all different from one another. That because we are different, we have different rights. It is so ingrained that I instinctively feel more comfortable with someone who looks like a Chinese. The fact is, we are all born equal, but made unequal through circumstances in life. If only we had a government that would seek to restore equality among all. Perhaps, working towards that cause is a reason for me to go home, eventually.