I’m Not Fun Anymore

Very whiney emo post ahead.

The bf says he tickles me so often and acts cheeky cos that’s the only surefire way to make me laugh these days. I used to be ‘joyful’ he says. I’m tempted to retort that maybe it’s because I met him. But he might actually be right.

I complain much more nowadays. I take fewer chances. I can’t stand irresponsible people. I don’t believe I can be the next UN Sec General anymore. I don’t feel like I can change the world. I blame everything on everyone else.

Is this how people turn into boring grumpy grouchy beings called adults?

I blame Wellington. When I first came, everything was new, fresh, exciting. I even took pictures of taxis and people’s backyards. Now, all I do is stay home, eat, watch dvds, and if I’m feeling particularly adventurous, try out a new coffee place. Not that there’re many that I haven’t tried yet.

Right now, I think, 4 years in Wellington is enough. A few years more and I might start losing limbs cos they’ve rotted away. I’ve been trying out new things like running a half marathon, working at a cafe, being a tutor, dying my hair, but the excitement wears off all too soon. I feel like that blond chick in Vicky Christina Barcelona. I need a change.

Obama, I blame you.

Fi's Wisdom Quote of the Day

Managers are evil evil people who sucker you into doing extra work and afterwards you're like How the hell did I agree to that %&*(#@

Speak Up

Yesterday in my Mediation class, the lecturer mentioned that most people are scared to death of speaking up in public. She’s met CEOs and high-standing people who absolutely dread talking in front of others.

It’s good to know that I am in the majority. When I am called (or volunteer) to perform this arduous task, my face turns bright red, my heart rate shoots up, and I cringe at the opera-high pitch of my voice due to nervousness. I play with a pen to hide the trembling of my fingers. I know better than to eat right before talking, cos my stomach would be churning so fast you can make butter in it. The butterflies don’t just stay in there; they invade every inch of my body. My worse case was back in high school where my eye started twitching uncontrollably. I fervently hoped that no one would notice. Sometimes I would have no recollection of whatever I’ve just said. To my credit, I think I hide my panic well most times.

I wonder why people are made to feel this way. I wish there was a better cure, but I think the only way to overcome this is by practice, practice and more practice. That’s why I let my mouth say yes before my brain gets the chance to say no when a public speaking opportunity arises. That’s why I think, or hope, that I am getting way better at this.