My deepest fear

... is not that my loved ones should pass away and leave me, but that they should do so without knowing God, that I should have no hope of ever seeing them again, and that I never mustered enough will and courage to talk to them about God. Tears flow when I’m reminded about this possibility, and I get angry and disappointed with myself for always leaving it to another day, thinking there’ll always be another chance to do it, or that someone else will talk to them. I worry that I’m not praying enough, not fasting, not trying hard enough. When I was younger, I used to pray for them every night, but somehow, I lost that along the way. Did I lose hope for them? Or did I not believe that God will answer my prayers? Either way, I should not have stopped. For my family and one of my closest friends, my greatest wish is for them to come to know Him, believe in Him and love Him. At the very least, to take the first step to find out more about Him, for I know that when ones seeks, one shall find. If not for their own salvation, then for my selfishness in not wanting to lose them. Nothing else matters really, yet it’s astonishing how easy it is to talk about less important stuff when opportunities arise to breach the topic...